You've Got to be Kidding
by Annieboo92
Summary: About Lily and James meeting through SiriusOC who meet in the oddest of situations. Snape transfigures Sirius into a Puppy and then the situation keeps getting odder by the day.
1. Saving a Puppy

Emily's view:

I was walking down Diagon Ally minding my own business when this really foul looking man bumped into me. He was a bit short, slightly plump, and had the oddest expression on his face. You know the expression you get when you've stolen something from you're sibling's room and they caught you walking out? That's what he looked like. Well I was already pissed off because I had gotten lost another job earlier that day. I was still mentally smacking myself on the head. 

* ~What was I thinking? I _finally got a good job and I completely blew it~ *_

* Almost RAPED you! *

* ~ I should have just told the manager!* ~

            Maybe I should explain. I have a hard time staying with jobs because I haven't found what I want to do yet. I was a waitress at a bar in London and I _was_ getting paid pretty well for what I was doing. Last night though, this really creepy guy started coming on to me! I told him to leave me alone but did he listen… um no. So I started to walk off and he grabbed me. Well he started kissing me and touching me places I'd rather only have a boyfriend/husband (that I don't have by the way) should touch me. I was completely disgusted and could tell he had had way to much rum. Well as you probably know rum is a horrible drink that turns men into total dick heads. I tried to struggle away but he wouldn't leave me alone until ONE man out of like a full bar came and rescued me. 

            My rescuer was actually really gorgeous but I didn't have time to appreciate it. I ran out of there as fast as I could. I called in and told them I was quitting today. I was away from the messed up bar but then I was jobless. So there I was looking for a job feeling sorry for myself when this totally ugly jerk decided to bump into me. Wait, I'm being unfair. He isn't that ugly, and I didn't know if he was a jerk or not, but he still bumped into me! Well I was not in the mood.

            "Will you please watch where you are going you stupid idiot!" I screamed in his face.

            "Sorry," he muttered. He then started walking off saying something that sounded like, "Padfoot where the hell did you go?"

            I shrugged my shoulders, at least he was gone! Maybe I should give you some explanation as to who I am. I'm Jennifer Emily Anne Williams. I am a witch and I graduated from Hogwarts (that's a school) two years ago. I live in an itsy bitsy tiny flat because it is all I can afford. I have straight hair that goes to my shoulders. It's all different colors, but it's like that naturally. It has some red, brown, and blonde in it. I have grey/blue eyes and a few freckles on fair skin. I stand five feet and three and a forth inches. 

I have a fetish for shoes and animals. I'm not a vegetarian, but I can't stand to see animals be mistreated. That was the second thing that went wrong that morning. I was passing by Flourish and Blotts when I heard a whimper. I looked down the ally and I saw something that made me more upset than that ass attacking me last night. 

Three men were standing over a poor defenseless puppy. It was a Chocolate Labrador Retriever puppy that looked no more than seven weeks old. They kept shooting sparks at his tail and in his face. It took me all of thirty seconds to stride over and start yelling my head off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Attacking an innocent animal! What did he do to you? What COULD he do to you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, get out of the way. He's just getting what he deserves." One that looked to be the leader hissed, his long black hair falling into his eyes. He looked at me with the coldest eyes I had ever seen.

"Who do you think you are? How could that animal 'deserve' that! It cant protect itself."   
            "You stupid bitch just get out of the way!" He said and smacked me across the face. Well that pissed me off so I punched him in the face like I had learned in self-defense at school. 

"No one does that to Severus Snape and gets away with it." One of the bodyguard looking ones said. I was actually surprised that they talked at all. 

"Want to bet?" I said. And with that I scooped up the puppy and ran out of the Ally. 

Two hours later I was sitting outside the ice-cream parlor with my new puppy in my lap. Every once in a while I saw these three boys and a girl walk by calling out 'Padfoot!' Every time the puppy heard it he would perk up and put his paws on the table and start barking his little puppy bark. Because of his reaction that's what I named him. He liked ice-cream a lot he ate out of my spoon it was so cute. I took a lot of cute pictures of him to put in my house. Maybe I should be a photographer as my next profession? Whatever. 

Sirius Black's point of view:

            * How in gods name did I get myself into this mess? * I  was just going to go meet up with my friends James, Remus, and Peter when I got ambushed by stupid Snape and his little friends. I say little referring to there tiny brains. In reality they are huge. Well anyway there I was transfigured into a Chocolate Labrador Retriever puppy. Atleast it wasn't like a poodle or anything, but a PUPPY? COME ON! 

            Well these stupid idiots were enjoying zapping me with sparks from there wands. It really hurt considering my puppy skin was still tender. Zap Zap Zap… God will they ever get sick of this? Probably not. I was getting really really mad and tired. So, out of instinct I started whimpering. Hopefully someone would hear me and come to my rescue. I was just getting sick of whimpering when I heard the click of high heals on stone. Some one was FINALLY coming to my rescue. It was a girl, she looked a bit familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen her before. Anyway she was in a yelling match with Snape. It would have been really funny if I hadn't been a PUPPY. I mean I'm used to being a DOG, but a PUPPY? She seemed really pissed off, she said something and he smacked her across the face. In return he earned a punch in the nose. It was classic! This was definitely my kind of chick. One of the idiots (I didn't know they could talk) said "No one does that to Severus Snape and gets away with it." And you know what she said? "Want to bet?" then she picked me up and took off running. I don't know how she ran in those heels, they must have been four inches high. All I know is that I was glad to get way from those bastards. 

            I licked her face in thanks. She seemed to love that. She looked really lonely, but I couldn't see why. She was really pretty, and from what I could see she wasn't shy. She started talking to me. 

            "Hmm, what job do you think I should take next? Being a waitress was not my forte." Oh that's where I had seen her! She was the girl that guy was harassing at the bar. What a jerk, I wouldn't want to do a job like that either. " Maybe I could talk to Madam Malkin, see if I could get a job there for a while." She paused to think, "You wont like my flat. It's tiny! Only two rooms really, but it's all I can afford. You can stay in my room with me. Obviously you're magical so I'll get someone to look at you for me. Hmm, who who who… the pet shop? No no no, Hagrid? Maybe… I'll ask Dumbledore to do it. He owes me a favor anyway. Let's go get some ice cream." 

            All through the ice cream I heard my friends calling me. Every time they would call my name I would perk up and bark. But it didn't come out as my usual big-dog bark. It came out as a stupid wimpy puppy bark. She thought this was absolutely adorable. So she decided to call me Padfoot. Well at least I would respond! She pulled out a little box from her purse. Then she opened it and started pressing what looked like buttons. I thought it looked like a tellypone that I had seen at Peter's house, but it was different. I wanted to know what it was so I whimpered and pawed at it. She thought this was absolutely adorable, why? I have no clue. So she explained laughing,

            "This is a cell-phone. It's how I communicate with my friends, they'll want to meet you!" She dialed a number and said into the cellypone, "Lily! Hey!" Pause "Yea I quit. Oh well I'll tell you about it later. Come meet me at Florean Fortescue's for some ice cream, I want to show you something." Pause " What do mean?" pause " I didn't know you were in London! I'll meet you at Starbucks!"(A/N  I don't know if they have those in England, but they do in America and that's where I'm from so…) pause, "Okay ill be there in five mintues."  She then proceeded to pick me up and we began walking. We walked out of Diagon Ally to this 'Starbucks' place. That's when it hit me. She must be muggle born! What if she doesn't live in Diagon Ally? All of my hopes of turning back to human would basically be dashed! Maybe Dumbledore will help me. At least I hope so. 


	2. At the Coffee Shop

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or anything like that.

Authors Note: So I know that this is a strange story, and it's stupid and everything, sure… but I like it I guess. I think it's actually really strange… so I probably wont continue... I don't know if anyone will like it or not, but we'll see… yeeeeeeeeeeeah.

Lily's Point of View

I'd been in at the Portobello Market for three hours before Emily called. I usually go there on Saturdays just to look around and see if I had any luck at the stations. Well, just after she called I stopped at one vendor selling all these really classy looking antique rings. I was just kind of glancing over them, when one in particular caught my eye; it was white gold, with a sapphire in the center surrounded by emeralds. The emeralds were positioned to make them appear as petals around the sapphire, kind of like a flower. I glanced at the price and decided, eh what the heck?

This is the reason I'm sprinting down the street getting odd looks from people. I'd had to pay for the ring with my debit card, which took entirely too long, so now I'm almost 15 minutes late for my meeting with Emily in Starbucks.

I could feel myself starting to sweat when I finally got to the coffee shop, so I grabbed clip from my purse and pulled my red hair up into a loose ponytail. Upon entering I slid my black Chanel sunglasses on the top of my head and looked around for my friend. Sighing after realizing she wasn't there, I stepped up to the counter to order a coffee. Out of the corner of my eye a sudden movement caught my eye, and I suddenly realized that Emily wasn't inside the coffee shop she was outside.

"Oh God," I groaned when I saw her disheveled appearance and huffy expression. "Hey… what happened to you? You look disgusting"

"Thanks?" She responded huffily. I hadn't realized what I'd said anything wrong… but thinking back on it that probably wasn't the right thing to say to someone who had just lost their job. "Nothing actually, I rushed here from the Leaky Cauldron and then when I finally got here they kicked me out."

"What for?"

"Oh, well its because of what I wanted to show you in the first place." Emily reached down into her purse and extracted a giant ball of brown fur.

"He was cornered in an Ally by a bunch of fuck-heads," I shook my head at her crude language. "Isn't he cute? His name is Padfoot." She told me this as she passed off the little furball to me. Turns out it's actually a dog, and a really cute one too.

"You tried to bring a dog into a coffee shop?" Was the only thing I could manage to say, as the dog had started licking my cheeks.

"Yeah, well I wanted to meet at Florean Fortescue's but you wanted to come here so…" Emily trailed off as her cell phone started to ring. "Argh, it's Diggory again. This is the fourth time today he's called me…"

"Don't answer." I instructed

"Don't panic, I wasn't even thinking about it." She responded quickly, and screened his call. I could tell she wanted to answer, give him a piece of her mind, but she'd never admit she wanted to, and she'd never actually do it anyway. "So what do you think of Padfoot? Isn't he cute? I'm not sure if he's going to be a good dog or not, though. When I said we were leaving Diagon Ally he like freaked out. See, he bit me on my hand." I picked up her hand and examined the mark. There were tons of little indentations from where his teeth had marred her flesh.

"Ow? And you're actually thinking about keeping this thing?" I asked her. I like dogs sure, but this one didn't seem like your average dog. Plus, who wants a thing that's going to rip at your skin all the time?

"Well, I'm keeping him for right now, but I'm thinking I might end up going to Dumbledore. He owes me a favor, and if I find a new job(and I better) I'll need someone to watch him every now and then." She explained. "And he's really sweet, I think going through the barrier just unnerved him a little bit. You should have seen him at Florean Fortescue's he was eating off my spoon and everything."

"I hope he doesn't have any diseases… if you two were sharing a spoon…that's just disgusting. But I guess I can see how _you_ would think it's cute."

"It _is_ cute. You're just being bitter."

"I AM NOT."

"You are too, do you want a pet? We can go get you one right now if you want one." It's true, I'd always wanted a dog. My parents were both allergic and when I left Hogwarts I'd gotten a job at the ministry being a reporter for the Department of Magical Games and Sports. I've also had a few hair modeling jobs since then, to earn some extra money, but I'd never want to do that for a living… its exhausting! Anyway, I'm not home enough to have a pet. Kind of makes me sad actually. Shaking that thought out of my head I responded.

"No… maybe next year…" And left it at that. We decided to walk on and go to Herrods to check out the new AG jeans they had on sale. Hopefully we'd be able to sneak the dog in inside Emily's purse.

Sirius POV

All I have to say is: I never knew girls could talk so much. Jesus Christ. We'd already been kicked out of the coffee shop (Starbucks I think… my buddy James goes there a lot when he has to go in the Muggle World for business.) and we finally met up with the girl Emily had been describing to me on the way here.

"You'll like Lily. I always thought she wanted a dog, but apparently her parents never let her have one. She thinks she travels too much to have a dog. Psh, sure. Anyway, you'll see. She's got great hair, she's actually had some modeling jobs for her hair. Its great, very distinctive. We'll be able to spot her in no time…" On and on and on. I mean sure, I love outgoing girls don't get me wrong, and this one was starting to grow on me, but _God_ could she talk!

She was holding me up against her shoulder so my head was facing behind her and I was sitting on her chest, kind of like you hold a baby when you're burping them. Her shoulder length hair kept brushing against my nose and I couldn't help but think about how nice it smelled.


End file.
